I just threw up on my dentist
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Randomize