Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
