Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The air was thick with penises
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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