bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
