sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
This house was built for laser tag.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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