When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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