I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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