I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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