She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
