You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
