How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize