Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize