I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
