Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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