I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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