We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
