as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
