the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
