My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
