I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
