After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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