we have officially lost it.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
