Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I am naked and annoyed.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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