I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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