Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
