I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
