I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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