My room smells like vodka and shame
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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