Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
