i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
