worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
