Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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