And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
