I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
COCAINE IS GR8
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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