Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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