some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
