I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
