just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize