So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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