I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
