i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize