So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
MIDGETS
????
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
