I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
