I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
