why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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