Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
