sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
