Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i think i just lost a toe
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
