The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
