If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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