The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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