Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
