she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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