im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
