shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
