I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
