The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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