I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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