You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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