if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
