babies were throwing up all over the place
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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