I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
