My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he quoted the bible to break up with me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
