When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
