How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
