is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
ugly people sure do ruin things
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
