Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
