I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
