I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
