I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
